If New Year’s Eve is for resolutions, could the hours leading to it be for practicing forgiveness?
For a year started on a clean slate would seem that much easier to bear the weight of lofty resolutions and tasks to accomplish, right?
Forgiveness is a powerful mantra.
It has healing properties that touch both the seeker and the giver. While the seeker of forgiveness has mountains of emotions to shift before realising the futility of nursing anger, misunderstanding or a lost argument, the giver has to rise above the everyday harangue to be magnanimous with heartfelt forgiveness. It is not simply about saying ‘sorry’ or ‘I forgive you’; it is about rising above the hassles of ego and envy to let go of the shackles placed by the action or words. Although forgiveness is simply about absolving the other from the feelings of guilt caused by an earlier situation, it is an art that requires oneness of thought and action.
Art of forgiveness
Is your decision to forgive and move on spurred by the end-of-the-year tasks that you have lined up for an emotionally strong start to the New Year? If yes, you are not alone. Many feel compelled to cement the year gone by with an epitaph that says the task is done. But as relationship experts point out, forgiveness is not an obligation that you want to check out from your to-do list. It should come across as a gift shared to celebrate this moment in time. Forcing it as a must-do year-end act will only make you feel pressured; it might even lead to a sense of guilt if you are unable to follow through. The best way forward is to first inculcate the intention to forgive and then do it at a pace and time that suits you. Alternately, you could write a note or a letter to the person who has wronged you. Simply write down your feelings of pain and hurt and also express your present desire to forgive them. This very act will help you cross the threshold of suppressed hurt.
Learn acceptance
Small steps lead to wider paths of contentment in life, and one such is an acceptance of the situation. When you understand the gamut of negative emotions that the transgression is wrecking on your life, you will be better placed to take a stance of acceptance. It is this mental faculty of acceptance that will help you come to terms with the reality of the situation – whether it is domestic, office related or a close relationship. Acceptance is, in effect, the first step towards moving on without holding on to or nursing a grouse. It will help smooth out your chaotic thoughts and fill you with a sense of peace. Acceptance will help you face the situation and deal with it effectively.
Erase grudge
Sometimes, even when there is a considerable amount of acceptance, grudge can rear its ugly head, making you wonder if forgiveness is worth all the ache and pain you suffered… Making you wish you could give it back to the person just once so he/she realises how you felt… This very thought can prove to be the thorn that holds you back. When you harbour a grudge, you are letting it control your life, giving it free reigns to hold you back. According to psychiatrists, this becomes a hook that stops you from forgiveness. When this happens, you are, in effect, giving the control of your life to the other person. You may feel vindicated to an extent, but the constant negativity rubbing off on you from the wrong done can affect your everyday activities.
Focus on the present
Often the cause of the grievance may have no bearing on the present; however, you may not be willing to let it go as it helps you weave your sob story. You probably love the idea of telling others how somebody wilfully ruined your life. This is, perhaps, your way of excusing the way things have turned up for you. This is a defeating cause. You are still struggling to cope with a situation that has long lost its sheen; you are throwing the focus on to that somebody, instead of keeping it fully and squarely on you. Shift your thinking away from the defeatist attitude and make yourself the hero of your story. Tell the other person you have forgiven him/her for whatever wrongdoing and move on. Feel the weight of emotional burden lift from you.
Forgive and move on!
