When we mix biology and history, we are able to see how the formation of a male-dominated society and the subsequent doling out of gender roles helped create a divide between genders when it comes to self-worth. Self-worth is an emotional reaction to evaluation and introspection and it indicates feelings of confidence in one’s abilities and qualities.
Our understanding of self-worth is sparked at a very early age, as we are nurtured by parents and family members even before we can talk or walk. As we grow, the attention our abilities or talents garner can be the basis of our determination of self-worth. However, sometimes, here lies the problem.
Not all children are raised by assertive, confident parents who are able to nurture them. This results in children growing to feel needy and unsatisfied.
As young girls age up, they are able to notice the roles that women are generally relegated to in their worlds. They also begin understanding male and female interactions and notice subtle messaging that tell them about the societal expectations of their gender. Sadly, these girls grow into teenagers and then into young women, unsure of themselves, never been given a chance to explore their potential and left with subdued voices.
We are here to tell you that despite the fact that we can’t alter the past or change the outlook of others, you are worthy, and practising self-worth is a truly positive exercise on your psyche…
The role of self-evaluation
Make sometime this weekend and sit alone in a closed room. Ask yourself the questions – ‘What do I like best about myself?’, ‘What are my talents?’, ‘What are my capabilities?’, ‘What makes me unique?’, ‘What do I deserve?’. This is not an exercise in comparing yourself to others. However, it is a great way to understand your true self and really get to know who you are. Sometimes, we tie our identities to the sum of the things that have happened to us and defined our lives. But knowing or determining your self-worth takes much more than just looking at these life-defining moments. It requires you to really dive in and understand what your needs, desires, capabilities and potential are.
Self-care is selfless
Now that you have evaluated yourself, turn to self-care. This doesn’t mean having to give yourself a makeover, though that’s fine if it will help you feel more like you. Self-care entails putting thought into the ways you nurture yourself. Maybe you want to work less and make time for things you love. It could mean taking courses or educating yourself further. Or putting on face masks and getting your nails done. It could also mean journaling and taking stock. Or eating healthier. And repeating affirmations while facing a mirror. Self-care is an essential part of practising self-worth, and can even be considered a response to knowing your worth.
The mental narrative
You’re constantly hearing things around you, about how women need to do this or that. Or how you only deserve so much and not a pinch more. There will be many occasions in your life that the words or deeds of someone else will make you doubt your worth. And being in control of your mental narrative will be your biggest strength at this time. When you are put down, though it may sting, your next reaction should be to remind yourself of all the ways you are deserving, worthy, amazing. This will mean that even in the face of adversity, you will remain confident in yourself.
Set boundaries
As women, we are expected to be nurturing, warm and accepting. All of these qualities make us lovable. But they also make us vulnerable. It is important to set boundaries so that we can avoid being asked to do things or accept status quos which we are not comfortable with. Say no when you wish to, and stand up for yourself when you feel you are not being treated fairly.
An ongoing process
Practising self-worth, or the activity of understanding your worth and the self-evaluation and introspection that goes with it is not a one-off task. It is a constant, dynamic pursuit that requires you to check-in with yourself, remind yourself of your potential, abilities and strengths, and to accept that some talents may be receding in importance, while other abilities become more important to you. It is an evolving process and will ebb and flow with you as you ride the wave of life.