Like all things in life, what distinguished one as a gentleman has, mercifully, lost its rigid connotations since the days when puddle-covering chivalry was seen as a perfect demonstration of one’s true gentlemanly qualities. That it smacked of drama, and even comedy – considering that the lady facing that harmless puddle could have simply walked around it, notwithstanding the quirkiness in ruining a perfectly tailored coat to cover that puddle for the lady to place her heeled shoes – is not lost on men today; many might even see it as a playground for meme generators. For the uninitiated, putting a coat on the ground to cover a puddle, so that the lady could walk without soaking her shoes, was considered to be an act of chivalry not so long ago.
Some might argue that it was indeed a classy way to tell a woman that she is precious, rather her dainty shoes are, but can you imagine witnessing such a scene today? Right, there are bound to be guffaws and onlookers are bound to assume that that act is being perpetrated to get a few followers on the social media. Apparently, social media has become a big denominator for all things sundry…
But that is not the focus here. For, not so long ago there were certain established dictums, albeit unwritten ones, to dictate how a gentleman should conduct himself in the presence of a woman. Whether it was picking the tab at a restaurant, offering a woman one’s seat when none was available, or taking the driver’s seat, there were clichéd expectations that helped draw a rigid line between a gentleman and an uncouth man. That mantle of expectation may have shifted with all the changes modernisation has wrought, but the traits of a true gentleman have only gotten more realistic; more unaffected. Gone are the days when the suit one wore, the way one groomed the hair were translated as gentlemen mores. Today it is more about incorporating right attitudes than about demonstrating one’s gentlemanliness through loud acts. That is, perhaps, why there is an almost universal acceptance of the evolved tacit code of conduct for gentlemen, one that could easily apply to all genders.
So what makes one a gentleman in today’s world?
All things right and relevant to create a positive environment! Yes, that’s all that is needed to wear the gentleman cloak. How you go about identifying and incorporating the right and relevant things is then the crux of the matter.
Be Respectful
Begin by being respectful… For a gentleman is always respectful. Being respectful is not a requirement of any one gender, yet it has found a mention here, because politeness and respect is of paramount importance in the larger role we play in the society. Being respectful can manifest in a whole lot of ways, most importantly in the way you interact with your seniors and even juniors. Being respectful to all the people around you is a mandatory requirement. Little expressions of this trait are enough to let people around you know that you are, indeed, a gentleman.
Inculcate Good Manners
Good manners can never be over-emphasised. That is the hallmark of a true citizen of the world who can help create a positive ambience in the society he lives in. As a well-mannered gentleman, you will continue to value the importance of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ in your engagements with others. Your etiquette will come through in the way you effortlessly navigate social and professional settings with the right amount of confidence. What then makes you stand apart is the comfort you display, whether you are at a casual get-together with friends or at a boardroom meeting.
Be an Effective Communicator
Communication is not just about how effectively you can convey your thoughts and plans; it is more so about how focused you are at listening. A gentleman is well-spoken and knows the difference between listening and hearing. Conversational competence is a cultivated art, one that you have mastered well as a gentleman. You know how to listen and communicate effectively.
Be Committed
Commitment is a perfect expression of your gentlemanly nature. When you follow through on your commitments, you are demonstrating that you are a man of integrity, who will set out to achieve things that you have set your mind on. The commitment could be one that you have made to yourself, to your friends or even your boss and you will not back out for whatever reason. And that makes you a true gentleman.
Be Disciplined
Discipline may have a sound of severity about it, but it is this very trait that provides the required fodder to develop into a positive person. It is the discipline that you have adopted in your life that helps you be consistent in your approach to different facets of your life. It could manifest in the way you follow a fitness regimen, pursue your hobbies, run everyday chores or simply relax and unwind. Your discipline comes through starkly in the little things you do, presenting a picture of your gentlemanly status to those around you.
The confidence you demonstrate, the passion you wield, the attention you pay to your appearance, the positivity you exude…all work to make you a gentleman.