The onus on boys to remain stoic throughout their teenage years continues to remain immense. The association of the word ‘weak’ with teenage boys crying or voicing sentiments of sadness and pain has made it exceptionally difficult for them to really talk or express about their experiences. On the flip side, with words like ‘macho’ and notions of masculinity being associated with putting up a stolid exterior, young men are at a loss on the emotion page.
Mercifully, the dialogue across the globe today emphasises on the power of communication in the younger years to help dissipate these damaging concepts of masculinity. Studies have shown that male teens that have an open and communicative relationship with parents and friends grow up to be more emotionally aware and equipped to handle the curveballs life throws at them. They also tend to steer clear of trouble in their formative years, and as adults enjoy meaningful relationships with their spouses and children.
So, how can you go about erasing the years of stereotyping and open the floodgates of effective communication?
Here is a brief roadmap to help you master that art of expression.
Why is it important to talk about your feelings?
Experiencing emotions and wanting to express yourself doesn’t make you weak, it only makes you human. Pent up feelings over long periods of time, will fester, causing mental health problems which often-times go undiagnosed. An air of openness around articulating emotions will take the pressure off, and will help you manage feelings better before they turn into issues.
Sharing to express what’s on your mind is especially helpful when it comes to friends of the same gender. Chances are, the stifling that you experience is the similar kind of hindrance your male friends face too; being candid about sentiments when you are around them will encourage them to speak out. Instead of reinforcing ideas of toxic masculinity, let the room for sensitivity grow.
How to talk about your feelings with parents, friends and people you trust?
Choose a confidante: A good first step is to decide whom you wish to confide in. It could be a parent, a friend, an aunt or uncle, teacher, counsellor or coach. Identify a person who you trust to listen to you.
Know what you are expecting from the conversation: It is important to think about what you want the result of the conversation to be. Would you like advice or acceptance? Do you need help to solve a problem, or just someone to listen?
On the one hand, this can help set the tone of the conversation with sentences like, ‘Mom, I need to talk to you about something I’m going through, but I just want you to listen,’ or ‘Hey, can I have your advice on this matter?’; on the other, should you be faced with a lack of support, despite the disappointment, you will know to confide in a different person in the future.
Give advance notice: While it may seem a little businesslike, setting up a talk session and predetermining the place and time will give everyone involved awhile to position themselves in the right mindset. This will facilitate better understanding.
Pick a laid-back setting: Having conversations over the dinner table may lead to a more round-table conference sort of mood; but blurting your feelings out mid-argument could lead to a blow-up. Instead, pick a relaxed setting, such as during family time in front of the TV, or ask to be taken on a drive; or maybe over ice cream. The laid-back setting will help diffuse tension.
Bring your friends and family together: As awkward as it may seem, introduce your friends to your family and encourage conversations between them. Apart from the joy of having people you love get along, it helps to have a friend by you during a discussion as your family will feel more comfortable. Also, people who love you will rally around you, and the more the better.
Prepare for questions: It’s natural for your loved ones to have questions about what you are going through. Answer them in as much detail as possible. However, should you feel that a question is derogatory, calmly explain why it isn’t a fair one.
Be clear and direct: If there’s something weighing you down, it helps to address it directly as opposed to beating around the bush. Not only will you feel relief, it will also show your confidante that you value their time and that will bring you their support quicker.
Communicate in different ways: Hand written notes and emails are also ways to communicate effectively. They allow people the space to absorb sentiments without any awkwardness. Writing letters is especially effective as a follow-up to a conversation, wherein you can express your appreciation and give constructive feedback about the discussion.
